How To Avoid Jerks and Jerkettes

How To Avoid Jerks and Jerkettes – Culminating Talk

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Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
“There is a time for everything,
 and a season for every activity under the heavens:
     a time to be born and a time to die,
     a time to plant and a time to uproot,
     a time to kill and a time to heal,
     a time to tear down and a time to build,
     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
     a time to mourn and a time to dance,
     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
     a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
     a time to search and a time to give up,
     a time to keep and a time to throw away,
     a time to tear and a time to mend,
     a time to be silent and a time to speak,
     a time to love and a time to hate,
     a time for war and a time for peace.”

* Mangyayari lahat sa tamang panahon.
(Everything will happen at the right time.)
* 2 Kinds of time
1. Cronus – measure of time
like 5:00 pm, 1:30 pm
2. Kairos – God’s time
* Where you are right now, is God’s will for you.
* Romans 12:2
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world,
   but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
   Then you will be able to test and approve
   what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
– While you are waiting, let God transform your mind.
* Be who you want to find
* The secret of a happy relationship is happy individuals
Be happy as an individual
* Don’t be impatient in finding your One True Love,
because it might not be the right time.
* Let go and trust God
* You are loved and that’s enough
* You might be guilt tripping by something you did,
but God still loves you

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How To Avoid Jerks and Jerkettes – Talk 3 – Green Light

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Green Light – Go

Matthew 13:5-6
“And some fell on rocky soil where there was little depth of the earth;
 the plants sprang up quickly enough in the shallow soil.
 But the hot sun soon scorched them and they withered and died,
 for they had so little root.”

* In our relationship, we need roots that are deep enough
to reach the water of values
* The water of values must be reached by the roots
* In a relationship, we need the roots
* Some relationships started online, but you need
to know the person offline – Face to face
* You need to know the person in every season of
his/her life and vice versa
* To grow the relationship, you need
COMPATIBILITY
– in values – you must share the same values
– in vision – you must have the same goal or vision
– in vehicle – you must share the same vehicle in
reaching that vision
* 10 crucial areas that you need to discuss first
before marriage (Hard questions)
1. Money – how would you manage your finances?
Where would you invest? Will you open one
account, or separate account?
50% of fight is about money.
2. Kids – how many kids would you have?
When would you plan to have kids?
Which school would you let them study?
3. Religion – it is best if you have the same faith.
If not, discuss on where would you
be married? How will you raise your kids (where
would you baptize your kids?)
4. In-laws – When would be the time to visit your
in-laws? How would you take care of them?
5. Job – Where will you work? Who will take care
of the kids?
– In preparing for great wedding,
don’t forget to prepare a great marriage.
6. House – Where will you live?
Will you live in a condo or a house?
7. Roles – Do you expect the husband to clean the house?
Will the mother be working in the office or
will she be a housewife?
8. Dates – Husbands, never stop courting your wives.
Wives, never stop flirting with your husbands.
9. Exes – Will you be allowed to talk to your EX?
Can you even befriend them on Facebook?
10. Secrets – share your secrets with one another.
Build your foundation in honesty.

* 2 Decisions in Life
1. Who you will worship
2. Who will you wed
Who you will worship will guide you to who will you wed.

* Don’t over-spiritualize your discernment
* God wants you to be happy
* Happiness is the path of love
* Happy marriage entails sacrifice

Side notes:

For the discussion of the 10 crucial points, those are just examples on what questions to ask.  You can discuss more about it with your soon-to-be husband/wife.  These are crucial points not to miss to keep you from having unpleasant surprises when you get married.

To have a happy, successful marriage, it takes a lot of hard work.  It does not happen overnight.  Both of you have to work for it.  Yes, it is difficult, but it is more difficult when you have unhappy marriage and you did nothing about it.  It takes a strong commitment for both of you and the strength that only comes from the grace of our Lord.

At whatever stage you have in your life, whether you are still single, in a relationship, married, or widow, you have a commitment to stay faithful.  This means, being faithful to the will of God for your life during that stage. If you are still single, stay pure and chaste.  Love the people near you, your family, your friends and specially your neighbors.  If you are in a relationship, be pure and chaste still.  Love your boyfriend/girlfriend.  Always be close to God.  And bring your boyfriend/girlfriend also close to Jesus. And review my notes, and do it.  If you are married, be faithful to your husband/wife and children. Allow God to be the center of that marriage.  If you are a widow, love the people around you. And let God guide and heal you.  Again, at every stage of your life, always allow God to be in the center of your life.  Be connected always with Him. Allow Him to lead you. Because He loves us.  And He knows what is best for all of us. That is always the way to happiness and peace.  That is always the way to life worth living.

I thank God that despite of the typhoon, the feast went on.  Thank You Lord for allowing us to worship You once more.  You Oh Lord are stronger than the winds and the rain.  Thank You Lord for keeping us safe! We continue to worship You Oh Lord! Praise You Lord Jesus Christ, now and forever, amen!

Prayer for Protection against Natural Calamities (Typhoon Lando and the upcoming typhoon)

My Lord and my God, You are our Protector and Guide.  We humbly pray that You protect us and our families and our properties from this typhoon.  We pray that You will always be with us.  Thank You for the gift of life and for your provision. Thank You for keeping us safe. Thank You for being patient with us.  Thank You for your love.  Forgive us for the times that we said no to your love.  Forgive us for the times that we turn our back from You.  Grant us the grace to always live according to your will.  Take control over this typhoon Lando.  We also ask for your protection Oh Lord from another upcoming typhoon.  Spare us Oh Lord from natural and man-made calamities.  Be with us always, Jesus. This we pray in Jesus’ name, amen.

How To Avoid Jerks and Jerkettes – Talk 2 – Yellow Light

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* Yellow light means caution.
* Philippians 1:9-10
And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge
  and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best
  and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ
* In all important decisions, you need to use both your heart and your head.
* Some wrong reasons to be married:
1. Last bus
2. I don’t want to hurt him
– This is not love, this is blackmail
3. Everybody expects us to be married
4. Marriage will make him better
5. We did it already
6. I’m pregnant
* Character is more important than chemistry
* Story of Isaac and Rebekah
  Genesis 24:1-28, 50-67
  Abraham was now very old, and the Lord had blessed him in every way.
  He said to the senior servant in his household, the one in charge of all that he had,
  “Put your hand under my thigh. I want you to swear by the Lord,
  the God of heaven and the God of earth, that you will not get a wife for my son
  from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I am living, but will go to my country
  and my own relatives and get a wife for my son Isaac.”
  The servant asked him, “What if the woman is unwilling to come back with me to this land?
  Shall I then take your son back to the country you came from?”
  “Make sure that you do not take my son back there,” Abraham said. “The Lord, the God of heaven,
  who brought me out of my father’s household and my native land and who spoke to me and promised me on oath,
  saying, ‘To your offspring I will give this land’—he will send his angel before you
  so that you can get a wife for my son from there. If the woman is unwilling to come back with you,
  then you will be released from this oath of mine. Only do not take my son back there.”
  So the servant put his hand under the thigh of his master Abraham
  and swore an oath to him concerning this matter.
  Then the servant left, taking with him ten of his master’s camels loaded with all kinds of good things
  from his master. He set out for Aram Naharaim and made his way to the town of Nahor.
  He had the camels kneel down near the well outside the town; it was toward evening,
  the time the women go out to draw water.
  Then he prayed, “Lord, God of my master Abraham, make me successful today,
  and show kindness to my master Abraham. See, I am standing beside this spring,
  and the daughters of the townspeople are coming out to draw water.
  May it be that when I say to a young woman, ‘Please let down your jar that I may have a drink,’
  and she says, ‘Drink, and I’ll water your camels too’—let her be the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac.
  By this I will know that you have shown kindness to my master.”
  Before he had finished praying, Rebekah came out with her jar on her shoulder.
  She was the daughter of Bethuel son of Milkah, who was the wife of Abraham’s brother Nahor.
  The woman was very beautiful, a virgin; no man had ever slept with her. She went down to the spring,
  filled her jar and came up again.
  The servant hurried to meet her and said, “Please give me a little water from your jar.”
  “Drink, my lord,” she said, and quickly lowered the jar to her hands and gave him a drink.
  After she had given him a drink, she said, “I’ll draw water for your camels too,
  until they have had enough to drink.” So she quickly emptied her jar into the trough,
  ran back to the well to draw more water, and drew enough for all his camels.
  Without saying a word, the man watched her closely to learn whether or not
  the Lord had made his journey successful.
  When the camels had finished drinking, the man took out a gold nose ring weighing a beka
  and two gold bracelets weighing ten shekels. Then he asked, “Whose daughter are you?
  Please tell me, is there room in your father’s house for us to spend the night?”
  She answered him, “I am the daughter of Bethuel, the son that Milkah bore to Nahor.”
  And she added, “We have plenty of straw and fodder, as well as room for you to spend the night.”
  Then the man bowed down and worshiped the Lord, saying, “Praise be to the Lord,
  the God of my master Abraham, who has not abandoned his kindness and faithfulness to my master.
  As for me, the Lord has led me on the journey to the house of my master’s relatives.”
  The young woman ran and told her mother’s household about these things.

  Laban and Bethuel answered, “This is from the Lord; we can say nothing to you one way or the other.
  Here is Rebekah; take her and go, and let her become the wife of your master’s son, as the Lord has directed.”
  When Abraham’s servant heard what they said, he bowed down to the ground before the Lord.
  Then the servant brought out gold and silver jewelry and articles of clothing and gave them to Rebekah;
  he also gave costly gifts to her brother and to her mother. Then he and the men who were with him ate and drank
  and spent the night there.
  When they got up the next morning, he said, “Send me on my way to my master.”
  But her brother and her mother replied, “Let the young woman remain with us ten days or so;
  then you may go.”
  But he said to them, “Do not detain me, now that the Lord has granted success to my journey.
  Send me on my way so I may go to my master.”
  Then they said, “Let’s call the young woman and ask her about it.”
  So they called Rebekah and asked her, “Will you go with this man?”
  “I will go,” she said.
  So they sent their sister Rebekah on her way, along with her nurse and Abraham’s servant and his men.
  And they blessed Rebekah and said to her,

   “Our sister, may you increase
      to thousands upon thousands;
     may your offspring possess
    the cities of their enemies.”

  Then Rebekah and her attendants got ready and mounted the camels and went back with the man.
  So the servant took Rebekah and left.
  Now Isaac had come from Beer Lahai Roi, for he was living in the Negev.
  He went out to the field one evening to meditate, and as he looked up, he saw camels approaching.
  Rebekah also looked up and saw Isaac. She got down from her camel and asked the servant,
  “Who is that man in the field coming to meet us?”
  “He is my master,” the servant answered. So she took her veil and covered herself.
  Then the servant told Isaac all he had done. Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah,
  and he married Rebekah. So she became his wife, and he loved her;
  and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.

– Values were very important to the father (Abraham)
– Prayer and positioning – Gen. 24:14
– Purity is beautiful – Gen. 24:16
* God is doing something behind the scene
* Your story is a part of God’s big story
* In your story, find Jesus
* Find Jesus every step of the way

How To Avoid Jerks and Jerkettes – Talk 1 – Red Light

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* Signs when you’re suppose to stop the relationship
* Judges 16:4-6
Some time later, he fell in love with a woman in the Valley of Sorek whose name was Delilah.
  The rulers of the Philistines went to her and said, “See if you can lure him into showing you
  the secret of his great strength and how we can overpower him so we may tie him up and subdue him.
  Each one of us will give you eleven hundred shekels of silver.”
  So Delilah said to Samson, “Tell me the secret of your great strength and how you can be tied up and subdued.”

Judges 16:15-17
Then she said to him, “How can you say, ‘I love you,’ when you won’t confide in me?
  This is the third time you have made a fool of me and haven’t told me the secret of your great strength.”
  With such nagging she prodded him day after day until he was sick to death of it.
  So he told her everything. “No razor has ever been used on my head,” he said,
  “because I have been a Nazirite dedicated to God from my mother’s womb.
  If my head were shaved, my strength would leave me, and I would become as weak as any other man.”

Judges 16:21
Then the Philistines seized him, gouged out his eyes and took him down to Gaza.
  Binding him with bronze shackles, they set him to grinding grain in the prison.

– Samson fell inlove with the wrong reasons
– Delilah did not love Samson but loves money
* Find God’s love not outside, but inside your heart
* Main Message: What is, will be.
* Why do we fall for jerk or jerkettes?
Because we think that we can change people
We cannot change people, we are not God
* Marriage is pressure –> It’s not easy –> put effort in it
* People think that wehn you get married, everything will change
* Marriage will bring out of what is already there
* Look for specific signs in a relationship
* 8 Signs of Stop Signs
1. Addiction – it is sickness
2. Controlling – insecure; there has to be a limit in controlling
3. Irresponsible – too dependent
4. Infidelity – trust
a. coward – he cannot tell you the truth
b. can’t stay faithful
5. Uncontrolled Debt
6. Chronic Lying – not brave enough to tell the truth
7. Unexplained Mood Swings
8. Abusive
* What if I’m already married to a jerk or a jerkette?
– Separate temporarily so that rehabilitation can take place
* We need God to bless our relationship
No matter how imperfect it is
* God prepares you to be the right person before you find the
right person for you
* Discover what God wants for you